deceive not my heart

when u have love…
understand it is with all of your heart
with all of your soul with all of your mind
concerns and dreams are all about love
it can be molest it can be taken for granted
it can be take advantage
sometimes love can used against to fool you
not once but many times when the heart had allowed.
too much love can cause pain in the heart
that made it numb and feel exaust
when the love learned that the heart can be tired
it rejected concerns and defeat the love
the love will be silent in the rest of the heart
and its the mind rule
when the heart love only from a distance
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free moral choice

every life story has written made
by our own plan and descion before we started to life
sometimes evil comes our way…
it was permitted because God gave us freedom
how we rule our life.

sa aking ina

i have the love to keep
that i wouldnt let it to be violated,
coz my love for you is sacred
but it sad u didnt know that because ive always tear
your heart apart
i always to be a thorn in your way
and if ever broke your arms i just keep
lookin as if theres nothin happened
whenever u slipped away then
iam the one who laugh first and the moment
you talked about love and dreams
i close my eyes and turn to sleep
however u never gave up on me
youre still my shed in storm and breeze
you could be my arms as well as my feet
a someone who i can depend, a someone
wholl keep listenin and believe
but if it was you who need a shelter and shoulder
ive let you down i go on my way
without taking look back how sad
i was makin things rough on you
all the times to hide real me that behind grinin
is the loving me i may never
seem to make u happy but did u ever know
that youre my all alone aking ina
i wanna give you all the richness within this world
to make your life unmiserable
holdin back the years chance for ou to escape
from this cruel world and night long coming
if i could id catch the falling star to shine on you
as you walked to a path that sometimes bend
did u ever know that youd become the only reason why
i exist? let the time tell how much i cared
for you aking ina

angel's life

i can still remember my childhood memories, ayos na sana ang buhay namin nuon…may talyer si ama may junk shop naman si nanay kaso nung magkaruon ng burn heart si ama dun nagsimula ang pagbagsak ng negosyo namin malaki ang gastos namin hindi naman tinutulungan ng nine half suiblings ko sa part ng ama ko kami.yung mga ipon namin unti unting naubos hanggang sa mamatay si ama. nabaon kami s a utang, yung mga napundar naming gamit naipagbili yung mga tauhan pa sa talyer na palaki g nanay ko without our knowledge ipinagbibili pala nila isa isa. tapos nag asawa pa si nanay hindi ko alam kung nagbibigay ba siya ng suweldo dahil one day we had realized hindi na pala kumikita ang talyer at junkshop kinikuha pa nung may ari ng lupa yung inuupahan namin. gumising na lang kami isang araw na may tambak ng grava at buhangin ang harapan ng talyer, binabawi na nung may ari ang lupa lumipat kami ng mabitac kaming dalawa ni junaids kinuha kami ng nung siyam naming kapatid na matatanda sa part ng tatay ko dun kami s a bahay ng tatay ko tumira kapalit ng 5,000 pampuhunan ni nanay sa maliit na tindahan simula pa man tutol na ako sa pagtira dun kasi sila yung mga taong tila naubusan ng kagandahang loob na walang ginawa kundi sumbatan kami sa pagpapaaral sa ming dalawa ni junaida, isumbat s a amin na hindi mabuting ina ang nanay ko but who cares nanay ko yun pagbalibaligtarin man ang mundo duon ako natutong magtanim ng galit. at the age of twelve natuto akong mag ipon ng baon ibinibigay ko yun kay nanay pag dinadalaw niya kami kasama yung bunso naming si andrea, buntis din kasi nun si nanay, alam ko kasi palugi na yung tindahan ni nanay utang bayad din kasi yung mga custumer ni nanay kaya hindi masambawan yung tindahan i felt sorry for my nanay but i couldnt do anything kaya when i couldnt longer bear yung mga panunumbat at panlalait ng mga nakakatanda kong kapatid while mistula kaming katulong duon i had decided to move out from there umuwi kami sa mabitac kasalukuyan namang nag aapply sa trabaho ang step father namin kaya laging wala. mahirap sa piling ni nanay pero kaya kong tiisin basta sama sama kami nakikita ko sila. hindi kami makaupa sa bahay lumipat kami sa lucong mabitac pa rin yun. yung bahay na lilipatan namin isnga ihip na lang ng malakas na hangin liliparin na. ang hanap buhay ni nanay nuon ay magtinda ng matamis kasama ako si junaida ang naiiwan sa bahay nag aalaga ng dalawa pa naming maliliit na kapatid. sampung piso lang ang iniiwan naming perang pangtanghaliian nila hati hati na sila duon. kami naman ni nanay kapag mahina ang benta hindi na kumakain. pag hindi naubos yung paninda namin naka charge pa sa amin kaya iyon na lng tira ang hinhapunan namin. nilalakad namin ang buong teresa sa pagtitinda ng matamis kung saan san kami nagtitinda. naranasan pa naming murahin ng asawa ng suki naming customer dahil lang sa pumasok kami ng lawn nila para ibigay yung order nila, si nanay panay lng ang hingi ng paumanhin sa lalaki habang inihahatid kami ng mura nung lalaki palabas ng bakuran nila. kung pwede lang sana ako na lng ang makarinig ng pagmumura nung lalaki wag na ang nanay ko.siguro ilang buwan lang ipinaayos nung owner yung inuupahan naming bahay duon pa rin kami nakatira habang inaayos yung bahay. dun ako natutulog sa ibabaw ng mga halloblocks sina nanay dun sa semento sa ilalim ng mga kahoy at yero nasa loob din kasi ng bahay yung mga materyales na ginagamit.kapag nagtitinda kami ang dinedede ng bunso namin ay tubig na may asukal o kaya naman yung tubig na may kalamansi tuwing hapon kapag alam nilang pauwi na kami sinasalubong nila kami sa may labasan ng lucong, awa naman ng dios malusog yung bunso namin kahit bihirang makadede ng gatas nakakawala rin ng pagod kapag nakikita namin ni nanay na masaya sila. naranasan din naming makitira sa kalapitbahay kina ka salud nung paalisin na kaming tuluyan nung landlord namin. si ka salud pilit palang pinadede ang bunso naming kapatid kapag wala si junaida ng panis ng kape. sinusumbong sakin ni andrea.nung wala ng makunan si nanay ng paninda araw araw siyang umaalis para mag dilehensya ng pera para may makain kami aalis siya ng umaga hapon siya babalik may dala siyang isambalot na monay sa hapon yun lang ang pamatid gutom namin sa buong maghapon….i also had experienced to walk along the way of mabitac siniloan para humingi ng pera sa mga eldest half suiblings ko we used to do it, bibigyan nga kami pero with matching mockery once nga naranasan ko pang wala silang ibigay we had took a walked pauwi and save by the bell nakapulot kami ni junaids ng limang piso sa basurahan. sobra sobrang pasasalamat na namin iyon pambili rin ng tinapay sa hapunan sa mabitac dito ko naranasang makipag suntukan sa lalaki para lang maipagtanggol ko ang mga kapatid ko mamagalit kasi si nanay kapag umuwi kaming umiiyak. napalipat din kami sa hi-way sabi nga ng kang nene ko para daw kaming ipa na walang laman na kung saan liparin ng hangin duon napapadpad. sa lugar naman na yun ko naranasn na maplo ng lubid na ewan ko ba kung gaano ako kasamang anak at napapalo ako ng ganun, kumakain din naman kami ng tatlong beses maghapon sa lugar na ito kso nga lang yung bahay kubo namin walang c.r. na kailngn mo pang pumunta sa ilog, maghukay ng lupa sa silong at mag flying saucer para lmang maka dumi nakapag wish tuloy ako na sana yung susunod naming tirhan ay may c.r. na. napatira din kami sa banaba famy. ang hanap buhay naman namin ni nanay duon ay mag asin bote, at bakal sa bundok bundok pinapasan namin yung mga sako ng bakal at bote para maitawid ng palayan na walng sapin sa paa. kapag sinusunpong nga ako ng pulikat pinapasan na lng ako ni nanay pauwi, ilang kilometro din ng layo nun. tapos napalipat din kami sa lugar na malapit sa sementery, umuuwi na nun ang step father namin walng masyadong drama ang buhay duon. tpos nun napalipat na kami sa siniloan natuto akong makisama sa matndang tinitirhan namin. nananahi ako si nanay nag aasist sa mga nag re rent ng gows sa shop na yun sa pnhong iyon pakiramdm ko nag iisa lng ako kasi npapagalitan ako ni nanay dahil lang sa sumbong nung apo nung matandang tinitirhan namin. mahirap makisama iyon bang tipong pag maghuhugas ako ng pinggan bigla niyang aakuin pag hinayaan mo na lng makakarinig ka ng mga salitang hindi maganda. lahat na yata ng masasakit na salita narinig ko na. those memories made more tough i didnt even know if i can still manage to smile throught of these it occure to me sometimes what else more would come? these memories became a link of gold because i had experienced these with my family i cling with them as i would for these memories is meaningless without them. i thank for this dahil tumibay ang dibdib ko samga naging karanasan ko my friends didnt believe that i have been through of all these hardship and these experienced i had was treasure that not anyone could experience its more than a gold nuggets that i will treasure for the rest my life. thanks for reading

angel's cry

Life has ups and down but sometimes life has been so unfair to me that most of the time i was always in downfall and hardship[ maybe i only had not seen and forgot what a beautiful life i have in the near future. I dont believe in fairytale instead i believe in God that im so afraid and have a strong faith i Him but this dark clouds in my life has seems no end. its a simple thing that fell into nowhere though i have laid it in prayer. You wouldnt imagine how painful it was to be always rejected and turned down. I want to ask why but to whom? I feel that i cant go on any further.It feels like the world was closing the door on me. This life couldnt be this hard if i only have had a good things in life to remember. i was always on failure almost makes my hands tied upon filthy lucre. I fell ito pieces and despised my lil guts to go on. It was just a simple wish that have been a roots of grief moreover its hard to see those prescious of mine i cling on are slowly devour by world transgressions and deceit.Overwhelmed by my circumtances beautiful tricks occured to my mind that God was seems ignoring my situation and turned His back on me. Im almost begin to think of God as distant untouched by my sorrow. I asked to myself what have i dont wrong, where did i go wrong how bad have i been, was it wrong to abide right things in life? Anxiety, anguish, anger threatened to crush m y spirit nevertheless throughout of these i closed my lips and have swallowed my tears, my bitterness, my frustration i have just think perhaps this wish i had couldnt keep me on His will and grace. I keep in my mind that God has a plan and deeply touched by mine back breaking situation because Jesus shed tears too He hasnt forgotten how and whats like to be a human but for now i only say " God im still holding on and believen…."